As a child I would become obsessed with certain activities. Learning to play an instrument, to paint, take dance classes, take horseback riding classes… For at least a year or two in my teens I was seriously trying to convince my parents we could 1. Afford owning a horse. 2. I would definitely not lose interest in taking care of the poor creature!Thankfully, my parents knew my pattern… No horse was purchased and thank God for that! It would’ve taken a year or less for me to lose interest – I’m sure of it.
I was quite mad at them during this time, and same thing a couple of years earlier when I wanted to play the flute and they refused to buy me one and they let me rent one instead. I was a bit disgusted, who RENTS a flute? (Silly kid, as if they aren’t cleaned…)
Looking back, again… What a relief they did not buy me that God damn instrument! It was fun for a year. Then I was completely sick of it.
I’m sure many people grow out of this restless behavior that is quite typical to a lot of children, but I actually did not, at least not fully… I am still super passionate about something for a while, then I grow tired of it. Sometimes it lasts for a year, sometimes only for a couple of months.
The other day I was happily looking at my new Medicine Cards, and reading the introduction to the wonderful companion book. All of a sudden it hit me: What if I get sick of tarot, oracles and spiritual rituals? I glanced over at my hmm maybe 20 books about meditation, spirit guides, chakras, cartomancy… I thought of my +50 decks I have collected… My crystals and essential oils… “What if I sit here in two years, not the least bit interested in tarot or spirituality? And I think back at the money I have spent, and the TIME I have spent…”.
That thought scared me. Especially the part about time. Time is so valuable because unlike money you can’t get any of it back by selling your collectibles…
Eventually I did calm myself down. By remembering that NOW is all I have. I might be dead tomorrow. I might be a Jehovas Witness in a year (okay, probably not…). I might be single in two years. Or I might have three children in six years (oh Lord please, no!). I might just celebrate my 105th birthday one day… I simply cannot know – And isn’t this ironic considering that some people think that tarot readers can predict everything about the future? Hehe.
But really: If it’s meaningful today, and I am passionate about it right now, then that’s all that matters.
With that said, I would like to avoid losing my interest in tarot and spirituality just because I’m lazy and often look for “new and shiny” (not things, rather ideas and philosophies)… And consistency is probably key here. I’ve already had breaks from tarot and I remember my excuses of how “life got in the way”. Sometimes yes, life truly does get in the way, but often that is a story we tell ourselves when we would rather take a nap than do important soul work.
But what fuels and heals the soul in the long run?
If we only turn to tarot, ritual or prayer whenever it feels easy and fun to do so, we stop creating healthy Daily habits. Taking care of body, mind and spirit, should always be a daily focus point and each day should contain what is truly important for us(that’s true self-love).
That means sometimes having to be our own mother, and our own therapist. We need to be that mother saying “Okay, c’mon, you did commit to 100 days of meditation, and why would you let yourself down now that you’ve come so far? Just do it, and afterwards be proud of your own willpower! And have a cookie.”. And we need to let our inner therapist say “Why do you keep letting yourself down? You want to be the best version of you, and you have yourself decided that the best version of you meditates every day. So why are you not fulfilling your own wishes when you so easily can? Why are you hurting yourself like this?”.
I know for sure this is something I will be working hard to overcome in the near future. It really needs to be dealt with once and for all. And you know what actually motivates me? Looking back at my recent 3 years of intense tarot passion. Sure I had a break before that (and even one before that!), but I came back more passionate than ever before, and since then I have actually managed to stay consistent with my interest and growth regarding tarot, and I am damn proud of that. I know I can do it, and now it’s time to integrate it into other parts of my life.